Making Mistakes
Today I made at least nine mistakes. Let's make that ten, because I probably miscounted how many mistakes I had made.
Making mistakes is something that makes us human. We all make mistakes. But sharing them isn't necessarily something we all do. There are two main reasons people want someone to talk about his/her mistakes. First, some people like to hear about other people's mistakes so that they can feel better about themselves. Or, people want to hear about your mistakes so that they might learn from your mistake and avoid doing the same in their own life. I am all about sharing my mistakes with others in hopes that they may learn from my mistakes. In fact, those times that I am feeling most down or am being really harsh with myself, it helps to take a step back and think about how I can help someone else avoid the mistake I just made (and how I can avoid doing it again in the future).
Apparently there are four types of mistakes: Stretch mistakes (those we make when learning), ah-ha moment mistakes (achieve something we actually shouldn't have succeeded at), sloppy mistakes, and high-stake mistakes. Or, a different name for the four types of mistakes are 1. Careless mistakes, 2. Uninformed mistakes, 3. Isolated mistakes, and 4. Systematic mistakes.
Physical mistakes
Relationship mistakes
Thought mistakes
Non-existent mistakes
Physical Mistakes
These can range from anything from tripping to being physical with someone before you're ready or for the wrong reason. Physical mistakes can really stick with you. There can be a lot of association memories with physical mistakes. A touch can trigger a memory of when someone touched you there before, for instance. Physical mistakes can often be avoided by being aware of your surroundings. Watch where you are going. Watch where other people are going with you.
Relationship Mistakes
Physical mistakes can be made in relationships, especially if there is a lack of physical touch or abusive physical touch, but I think words are the most often mistakes in relationships. We say mean and hurtful things, even if we "don't mean them," to those we profess we love. We make the mistake of not talking to a friend. We avoid confrontation or we create confrontations that aren't founded on love. We talk bad about others and promote gossiping and lying. Relationship mistakes can often be the hardest to avoid because they involve someone else. However, we aren't responsible for anyone else's actions, only our own. We can try to avoid relationship mistakes by being loving, honesty, and humble.**
Thought Mistakes
Any mistake that requires an actions first requires a thought. And our thoughts can easily become habits. One of the biggest mistakes is to let our thoughts become too negative. I'm a pessimist, and I know it. I know that my thoughts will often first be depressing and unhappy. It is a mistake to believe that they are true or to act upon them, though. Another big mistake in terms of our thoughts is simply not being able to distinguish truths from lies in our own mind. Avoiding making thought mistakes will take a lot of practice and effort. It is exhausting to always be correcting yourself, admitting that you made a mistake, and letting yourself try again.
Non-existent Mistakes
These are perhaps my favorite type of mistakes to discuss, because they may be the most common (at least in my life). These are mistakes that aren't mistakes. For instance, when we ruminate upon our past and begin to view a choice as a mistake because of what we know now. We say things like "If I had done this that way, this wouldn't be happening now," etc., when in fact there is no way of knowing what might have happened. Or we let our thoughts get away from us and think that things are a problem when they aren't. If you have any form of social anxiety like I do, you've probably often told yourself when you walk into a room that everyone is staring at you. It is a mistake to think so, because nine times out of ten it isn't true. And even if people are looking at you, it's probably because you walked into the room, not because you are ugly or unliked, and most likely those people will go back to their business immediately after glancing at you. Finally, if you're a perfectionist and/or afraid of failure, you've experienced the non-existent type of mistakes associated with not being right all of the time. Just because you don't know something the first time or don't succeed at a task the first time doesn't mean you made a mistake. There are other types of mistakes that aren't actually mistakes, which means it is helpful to always be evaluating our thoughts and actions.**
**I'm aware that 1. This is not that helpful of advice, as it's not very specific and 2. This advice requires a lot of work and sounds (and is) exhausting. You're welcome.
Which of these types of mistakes do you struggle the most with? Have you found a good way to deal with yourself after you've made a mistake? Do you need to forgive yourself for some mistake, real or non-existent, that you have made? I know I do. And I know it isn't easy but that's one of the beautiful things about making mistakes: We get to try again.