13 Reasons Why (You Should Be More Aware)
Warning: This post contains descriptions of a graphic nature and reference to language and material that may be deemed inappropriate and specifically references rape and suicide. In fact, writing it made me queesy. Reader discretion is advised.
This post is specifically geared at the parents of students I teach; however, the message applies to anyone and everyone.
At least once a week I have to do a double-take when I hear a student say some word or phrase I don’t understand. I usually ask him (or her) to repeat it. Sometimes he won’t, which immediately tells me it is not something he should be saying at school; if he does tell me, I immediately Google it. “On fleek,” “thirsty,” and “what a bop” are just some examples of the terms and phrases I have heard our 7th-12th graders use while at school. I know what all of these terms or phrases mean (do you?). I am not necessarily proud of that fact, and I do not learn the lingo to be “cool” with the kids. No, I seek to understand what kids are saying so that I am a better teacher.
Where I teach, we pride ourselves on being free to teach from a Godly worldview. We seek to instill truth, goodness, and beauty in our students. We understand that as God’s creations, our students must learn to take care of and better their whole selves—physical, mental, psychological, and spiritual. While I am not a parent, I interact with almost 80 kids five days a week. And, if I say that I am looking out for every student’s entire betterment, then I feel convicted as a teacher and fellow sister in Christ to warn you as parents about what your student might be hearing, reading, and/or watching.
In particular, I am seeking to make parents aware of the book 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher and the subsequent Netflix series by the same title that came out this year. I am aware that several of my students (7th-12th) have read this book or watched the show. If you are unfamiliar with the story, here is the premise: A young high school junior commits suicide after a year of being treated extremely poorly—everything from slut shaming to being physically raped—and leaves behind a series of tapes to be sent to each person who had a role in her decision to end her life.
The show has been met with great acclaim, receiving, for instance, an 85% rating on Rottentomatoes.com. However, there are many experts and adults who are advocating for more awareness about the show considering its glorification of suicide. After reading the book and watching the show myself to see why our kids were enjoying this story, my concern has only continued to grow. I believe it is imperative to be aware if your child is reading or watching 13 Reasons Why. It is imperative to understand how your child may not be able to always distinguish between fiction and reality. How your child may see this one girl’s “success” and consider suicide themselves. How your child may not recognize that the story is void of hope or redemption, two of the main themes of Christ and the Bible.
(I am aware many people will disagree with me. They will say the people who were sent tapes "deserved" to feel guilty because of how they treated Hannah. To this I would first say, yes, they should feel guilty. What they did and how they acted was wrong. However, Hannah's decision to kill herself and then sends tapes only allows for guilt. It does not provide an opportunity for any redemption, forgiveness, or healing. In fact, another student tries to kill himself because he is unable to deal with what he has done. Another thing people might say who disagree with me is that the show is raising awareness by being so real. I would suggest going to the many suicide prevention websites that explain why showing a suicide is not healthy. Instead, it is extremely triggering and gives people ideas on how to do it themselves. I know there are more reasons to disagree with me and my argument, but these are just a couple that I wanted to address here.)
Rape and suicide are obviously horrific events we want to shield our children from (the show is also full of many "f" bombs and 10th graders with tattoos--which isn't bad, it's just...so weird; I mean, none of the actors are the age they're playing. Most of them are 20+...). They are horrible truths of the fallen world we live in, however. And stories that are readily available to our children are often full of these ugly truths. In short, I urge you to be aware if your student has read or watched this story or others like it and to have a serious conversation with them if they already have.
Finally, if you are still wondering why you should listen to me, a non-parent, then I will leave you with two other stories. First is that of the several anonymous students who I have sat with as they have cried. Their pain and confusion over how to deal with the truths of the world, their circumstances, their relationships, and their mistakes are real. It is naïve to think that Christians, especially those as Annapolis, do not struggle with anxious, depressing, or suicidal thoughts. We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities of the darkness of this world. In short, spiritual warfare is real, and it can and will attack our bodies—physically and mentally. Second is my own story. After graduating from college, I was diagnosed with depression (if this is a shocker to you, sorry--I hide it well, have learned to deal live with it, and it really seems to be seasonal and situational--if you want to talk to me about it, please do come to me). I have sat alone feeling completely hopeless and full of despair before. Oh yeah, and I've been raped before (if this is a shocker to you, sorry--I've written about it on my previous blog before, and I have gone through all of the healing steps, so I'm all good here--if you want to talk to me about it, please do come to me). Upon finishing 13 Reasons Why, my mood significantly changed, and I immediately realized how dangerous watching that show was for someone with my thoughts and tendencies. As we seek to raise children in the image of God, to point them in the right way, and to be as informed as possible to make wise decisions along the way, let us continue to be constantly vigilant in training up our young men and women in the way of the Lord.
If you would like to know more about 13 Reasons Why, the warning signs of depression and suicide, or other tips for helping your student, please take advantage of the following resources.
First, find an adult who is capable and willing to help you not only academically, but also personally. The guidance counselor in the show is not representative of all adults. Neither are the unaware parents. Secondly, there are several articles I would suggest reading about 13 Reasons Why. See this one and this one for sure. There is also a “13 Reasons Why Talking Points” distributed by the Jed Foundation. Lastly, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24-7 for all ages at 1-800-273-8255. Oh, and I'm here if you ever need an ear or help.